In the 23 years since I've become a parent, I can't tell you how many times people have told me, "Kids grow up so fast." My standard response is to smile and agree, but inwardly think, "Not really!" With a large family and an age range of 17 years, I had babies and toddlers for what felt like a really long time. When my older children left home, I didn't miss them quite as much because I still had a lot at home to keep me busy. Lately, though, I'm reaching the point where it feels like maybe my children really are growing up fast. My youngest just started kindergarten, my oldest just became a father, and my third child is about to leave on a mission for our church next week. In ten years almost everyone will be out of the house!
So you might think I'm too late to read this book, No Regrets Parenting, which actually got published just last year, and you might be right--ten years ago would have been better. But it's still a good reminder to me about how I need to cherish the moments I have with my children, be present with them as much as possible, and create friendships and relationships with them that will last a lifetime.
Here are a few of my thoughts about this book:
1. I have to quibble with the title. There is no such thing as "No Regrets Parenting". If you don't have regrets as a parent, just wait a while. Nobody's perfect. Maybe the key here is to think "No Major Regrets". Also, this is less a book about parenting and more a book about finding ways to spend more time with your children and to value that time.
2. I like his idea that you should be your children's parent AND their friend. As they grow up, you become less a parent and more a friend. I do think the author has a tendency to view his child-rearing years (which are apparently over) with rose-colored glasses.
3. At the beginning of the book, he says you won't be able to do everything he suggests. That reminder needs to be sprinkled liberally throughout the book. No one should come away from this book feeling guilty about what they're not doing. We don't need more guilt in our lives. There have been plenty of times in my parenting life when covering the very basics and maintaining my sanity is all I'm doing. Even at this stage in our lives when we no longer have a baby or preschoolers, it sometimes feels like we're just barely keeping up with everything. There's definitely a balance to spending enough time with your children and having a little personal time to maintain your sanity.
4. With the above caveat, he does have plenty of good ideas about ways to spend time with your children, while still getting things done that you want to do. After reading this book, I want to create a more regular Sunday night tradition of popcorn and games. Also, I want us to spend more time working on home improvement with the older kids. And when I'm with the children, I want to be really there and not on the computer or on my phone. Same goes for the kids.
5. This might be a given, but I wish he would have talked about not waiting for everyone to be home to do things with your children. That's one of the challenges of a larger family. We need to keep doing things even if our older children or even my husband can't be there.
6. This book helps me appreciate my church's counsel to hold Family Home Evening on Monday night every week. We have been pretty good at doing this and it's been a really good way to make sure that we do something fun together as a family at least once a week.
This is well-written and a quick read. I'm glad I had the chance to think about making the most of and enjoying the few years I have left with my children at home.
So you might think I'm too late to read this book, No Regrets Parenting, which actually got published just last year, and you might be right--ten years ago would have been better. But it's still a good reminder to me about how I need to cherish the moments I have with my children, be present with them as much as possible, and create friendships and relationships with them that will last a lifetime.
Here are a few of my thoughts about this book:
1. I have to quibble with the title. There is no such thing as "No Regrets Parenting". If you don't have regrets as a parent, just wait a while. Nobody's perfect. Maybe the key here is to think "No Major Regrets". Also, this is less a book about parenting and more a book about finding ways to spend more time with your children and to value that time.
2. I like his idea that you should be your children's parent AND their friend. As they grow up, you become less a parent and more a friend. I do think the author has a tendency to view his child-rearing years (which are apparently over) with rose-colored glasses.
3. At the beginning of the book, he says you won't be able to do everything he suggests. That reminder needs to be sprinkled liberally throughout the book. No one should come away from this book feeling guilty about what they're not doing. We don't need more guilt in our lives. There have been plenty of times in my parenting life when covering the very basics and maintaining my sanity is all I'm doing. Even at this stage in our lives when we no longer have a baby or preschoolers, it sometimes feels like we're just barely keeping up with everything. There's definitely a balance to spending enough time with your children and having a little personal time to maintain your sanity.
4. With the above caveat, he does have plenty of good ideas about ways to spend time with your children, while still getting things done that you want to do. After reading this book, I want to create a more regular Sunday night tradition of popcorn and games. Also, I want us to spend more time working on home improvement with the older kids. And when I'm with the children, I want to be really there and not on the computer or on my phone. Same goes for the kids.
5. This might be a given, but I wish he would have talked about not waiting for everyone to be home to do things with your children. That's one of the challenges of a larger family. We need to keep doing things even if our older children or even my husband can't be there.
6. This book helps me appreciate my church's counsel to hold Family Home Evening on Monday night every week. We have been pretty good at doing this and it's been a really good way to make sure that we do something fun together as a family at least once a week.
This is well-written and a quick read. I'm glad I had the chance to think about making the most of and enjoying the few years I have left with my children at home.
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