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The Collapse of Parenting

Recently I read a book called The Collapse of Parenting:  How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grownups by Leonard Sax.

He's a family physician along with a Ph.D in psychology.  He practiced for 19 years and then took an extensive leave to travel around the world visiting many schools and seeing the challenges.


His basic premise is that too many parents are afraid to be the adults who know better. The parents' job is to teach their children the culture of the world they live in but, too often, they let their children's peers do it. The chapter I liked the best talked about the personality qualities that help children to be the most successful in life.  It goes like this:

"Which of the following, measured when a child is 11 years of age, is the best predictor of happiness and overall life satisfaction roughly 20 years later, when that child has become a 31- or 32-year-old adult?

A.  IQ
B.  Grade point average
C.  Self-control
D.  Openness to new ideas
E.  Friendliness

The correct answer is C, self-control."

He goes on to talk about how research shows that the personality traits of Conscientiousness (honesty, self-control, perseverance) are the traits that lead to greatest life satisfaction, health, and happiness.  Being a pretty conscientious person myself, this message speaks to me.  While many might argue that it is very difficult to change a child's personality traits, especially when they're teenagers, the author maintains that it is possible.  Certainly some of my children are more conscientious than others but hopefully all of them have absorbed a few of the things we've tried to teach them.

While this book is not perfect, there were many things to like about it.  At this particular time in my life when I see badly-behaving children everywhere I turn, it feels empowering to say, Yes!  Children need to be taught self-control!  They need consequences that help them understand that they MUST have self-control.  They must be honest!  They can control their tempers!  They can be respectful!  It is the parents' job to teach them that!

If you want to feel empowered as a parent, you should read it too.

Thank you for the opportunity to give this public service announcement.

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