Yesterday I read an article in the newspaper quoting a childhood media expert on how you shouldn't set limits on screen time. Dr. Michael Rich said, "There should be no time limits on screens because that leads to
deprivation and rebellion. Anytime you limit something, kids want it
more.” Although I agreed with much of what the article said, this particular statement is a bogus argument and I have to refute it.
Life is about limits! The sooner children learn this, the better off they will be. I grew up with limits and sometimes I wish I had had more. I did not feel deprived and I did not rebel. As a member of the Mormon church, I grew up with alcohol, tobacco, and illegal drugs being off limits to me. Ditto for my ten siblings. Now we are all adults and not one of us uses any of those substances, as far as I know. This is anecdotal evidence but I'm not sure that Dr. Rich has anything more convincing to back up his statement. In fact, he actually cites this other article in a different forum that totally backs up my argument. It makes me wonder if he was misquoted since I did not hear him personally.
I'm sure it helped that my parents and many other influential adults were good examples in this area. Children who start drinking alcohol before they're adults are much more likely to become addicted. Wouldn't it be better to limit alcohol to your children and risk them feeling deprived or rebelling? My experience is that children want limits and they want adults to give them guidelines and high expectations.
As for media, I grew up with no TV in my home until I was twelve. At that point, my parents got one to use with the computer they bought, an Atari 800 (that really dates me!) But even with a TV, most of the time, we were not allowed to watch it. Sometimes I would go to my friend's house and watch the Cosby show and I watched TV when I babysat for other people. But I never really developed the TV habit and even now, we almost never watch TV. I don't think we're missing much. My husband watched a lot of TV growing up but in high school he stopped and he doesn't watch it now. He does wish that he had spent a lot less time watching TV and a lot more time reading books.
It won't surprise you to hear that at our house we set limits on the computer. There are quite a few of us all wanting to use the same computer so that helps. And with the computer being next to the living room and kitchen, there are lots of eyes to see how you're doing. My 17-year-old has his own computer but fortunately, he's busy enough with the rest of his life that he doesn't have much time for the computer. One rule we have is that you have to be done with your homework and practicing before you get a computer turn. That just makes sense--work comes before play.
We don't have all the answers and I won't say that my children always follow the computer policy but we're not too far off. We don't really have consequences for not following it but each Sunday we ask them how they did in following it. The important thing is that they are paying attention to how much time they're spending on it and trying to stay within a certain guideline. And hopefully, during these important years of childhood, they're doing lots of other good things with their time besides spending it parked on the computer.
I'm sure it helped that my parents and many other influential adults were good examples in this area. Children who start drinking alcohol before they're adults are much more likely to become addicted. Wouldn't it be better to limit alcohol to your children and risk them feeling deprived or rebelling? My experience is that children want limits and they want adults to give them guidelines and high expectations.
As for media, I grew up with no TV in my home until I was twelve. At that point, my parents got one to use with the computer they bought, an Atari 800 (that really dates me!) But even with a TV, most of the time, we were not allowed to watch it. Sometimes I would go to my friend's house and watch the Cosby show and I watched TV when I babysat for other people. But I never really developed the TV habit and even now, we almost never watch TV. I don't think we're missing much. My husband watched a lot of TV growing up but in high school he stopped and he doesn't watch it now. He does wish that he had spent a lot less time watching TV and a lot more time reading books.
It won't surprise you to hear that at our house we set limits on the computer. There are quite a few of us all wanting to use the same computer so that helps. And with the computer being next to the living room and kitchen, there are lots of eyes to see how you're doing. My 17-year-old has his own computer but fortunately, he's busy enough with the rest of his life that he doesn't have much time for the computer. One rule we have is that you have to be done with your homework and practicing before you get a computer turn. That just makes sense--work comes before play.
We don't have all the answers and I won't say that my children always follow the computer policy but we're not too far off. We don't really have consequences for not following it but each Sunday we ask them how they did in following it. The important thing is that they are paying attention to how much time they're spending on it and trying to stay within a certain guideline. And hopefully, during these important years of childhood, they're doing lots of other good things with their time besides spending it parked on the computer.
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