Month of Mourning

 

This picture of our dying walnut tree represents a little of what we have been experiencing this month. A week ago, there were a few leaves on the bottom of the tree but it showed no other signs of life. So Scott bought a chainsaw and cut it down this week. I'm a little sad that we won't have that tree in our yard for children to climb and to harvest walnuts from.

This May is a month for mourning in our family. Last week, my brother and sister-in-law lost their nephew Luke Carter, age 18, on his mission in Texas in a car accident. Then this morning, my mother-in-law died. She was diagnosed with an aggressive, advanced lymphoma a few weeks ago and passed quickly. 

It reminds me of the May 9 years ago when my sister-in-law Alice died, a week after she gave birth to her 3rd child, leaving behind her 3-year-old and 1-year-old sons, her newborn daughter, and her distraught husband. Alice was a really amazing person. It was so hard to see that happen. I listened to a recording of her funeral recently because I remembered that funeral helping me to feel better.

I decided to post the recording here:

Alice's funeral, part 1

While all of the talks were excellent, I decided to transcribe my father's talk because I found it particularly helpful in understanding this loss, especially when it takes someone young who seems like they had so much life ahead of them.

Shortly before her death

Gary Hansen’s talk:

I checked some genealogy this morning and saw that Kurt’s great-great-grandfather, William Henry Murphy, a country physician in Indiana, went through the same experience that Kurt is going through now. His wife died at age 32, his dearly beloved wife at age 32, leaving him with 4 small children. The oldest was 9 and the youngest was not quite 5 months. Three boys and a girl, that girl is my grandmother and is the ancestor of many people in this room. She married Charles Wesley Nichols, after whom Kurt and Charlie were named. I’m sure that William Murphy asked the question, Why? Why did this have to happen? The same question that I asked myself as I drove back home after Alice had passed, Why did this have to happen? In Fiddler on the Roof, the milkman Tevye sings a song wishing that he were a rich man. At the end of that song, he sings, Lord who made the lion and the lamb, you decreed I should be what I am. Would it spoil some vast eternal plan, if I were a wealthy man? And I have to answer for myself that question, Yes. It would spoil the vast eternal plan for his soul. The Lord calls upon us to go through difficult experiences like the one we are going through now because it is the best thing for our souls. This is the answer to the question, Why? for us. For Alice, it is a different answer, although I’m sure she’s going through some of this now too.

On Kurt’s maternal side, his great-grandfather, Hyrum Broadbent, was a soldier in France in WWI and he had charge of his young nephew who was also a soldier there and was also named Charles. One night Hyrum’s father who was deceased came to him and said, “I’ve come to take Charles.” Hyrum argued with him, trying to convince him not to. Finally, he heard a voice and it was not his father’s voice, and the voice said to him, “Who are you to mar the plan?” Hyrum then said, “Father, thy will be done.” And Charles died that night. There was apparently a plan for Charles Broadbent and I believe there is a plan for Alice. Her taking was a like a bolt of lightning. It happened so fast and we were helpless to do anything about it. Her doctor told me that he played it over and over in his mind and he said, if I had it to do over again, I would have done nothing differently. Hundreds, literally hundreds of people prayed for her and I have never prayed more fervently in my life that her life would be spared. But the Lord said no and I’m sure it’s because she has a mission.

Now Alice’s parents are both converts to the church and both of them are of Polish ancestry. It’s interesting that in our family, we’ve had some connection to Poland. One of our sons served a mission there and he brought two more young Poles into our lives and we are close to especially one of them. Then his younger brother (Kurt) married a woman of Polish extraction, Alice. Poland is a land that has a long history of Christianity but a short history of missionaries from the restored church. I think they need Alice there.

Yesterday in my high priests group, Brother Glenn Kukahiko told a story about while he and his wife were recently serving a mission, they met a woman who was also serving a mission with her husband and they had lost a son while he was in missionary service. The father took it okay but the mother did not. It was very very difficult for her. But one day as she was in the Celestial Room of the temple, her son came to her and said, “Mother, please stop grieving for me. I am teaching the gospel to the people that you are doing the temple work for.”

Now, we here on the earth can do the work for Alice’s family. Brother and Sister Demske, as fast as you can send us the names, we will do the work for them. We certainly have an incentive. But somebody needs to preach the gospel to those people and who can do a better job than Alice Demske Hansen?

When Moroni came to Joseph Smith, the first thing practically he said to him was, “I will reveal the priesthood by the hand of Elijah the prophet and he shall turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the children to their fathers.” This is the great work of salvation.

So she is doing a great work on the other side already. But oh how hard it is for us on this side to lose her. We miss her so. What about us? I feel as if the Lord is saying to us, I have confidence in you. You can do it. You can raise these three children. I will be with you every step of the way and I will never leave you. I will be by your side to teach you, to train you and to teach them and train them.

When Kurt gave Alice a releasing ordinance, releasing her spirit, he said to her, not only would she teach those on the other side, she would teach those that are living and also those that are yet to be born.

My great-grandfather, William Henry Murphy lived for some years after his wife passed away and then died in 1917 and they have been reunited since then, almost a hundred years. Truly their separation was a small moment and Kurt’s separation from his beloved Alice will also be a small moment.

And someday this scripture will apply to them. This was said by Isaiah, in the 29^th chapter at the end. It’s one of my favorite scriptures and it’s also quoted by Nephi.  Therefore, thus saith the Lord who redeemed Abraham. I’m going to paraphrase it now for Kurt and Alice. “Therefore, thus saith the Lord who redeemed Abraham, concerning the house of Kurt and Alice. Alice shall not now be ashamed, neither shall her face wax pale but when she seeth her children, the work of my hands in her midst, they shall sanctify my name and sanctify the Holy One of Jacob, and shall fear the God of Israel. They that erred in spirit shall come to understanding and they that murmured shall learn doctrine.”

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.