What Dad Has Taught Me

Oakland, California, 1967:

Recently we celebrated my father's 80th birthday. 80 is a big milestone! We also wrote essays about him that my brother compiled with the theme of  "What Dad Taught Me." Here is my contribution:

Dad has taught me a lot of things over the 55 years that I have known him. It’s hard to separate out specifically what Dad taught me because he and Mom worked together in raising their children. But here are a few lessons I learned.

Bloomington, 1971:

Charleston South, Indianapolis, 1975, Paula, Neil, Bruce, Craig, Gary:

Fort Worth, TX, 1970:

Bloomington, 1970:

Dad lifting Baby Neil while I hold up my doll

The first lesson Dad taught me is about the importance of taking care of your family. One of my earliest memories happened when a big dog came up to me when I was 3 or 4 years while I stood outside our apartment in Bloomington, Indiana. The dog seemed huge and was at least my size, maybe bigger. I was scared to death and dropped the little stuffed cat I was holding. The dog picked it up and started running away with it. I was very unhappy and told Mom or Dad. My memory is that Dad ended up chasing the dog for about a mile and heroically brought back my stuffed animal which was a little worse for the wear but intact.

Dad worked a lot of long hours to provide for his family. Harry—his boss in Indianapolis and Texas— expected him to work a lot. When Dad decided that things were not going to improve and his children were growing up and would be leaving home soon, he found a new job at BYU with the potential of being home more.  It was not easy to start a new career with 8 children to provide for but he was diligent and it worked out after some lean years. He worked at BYU about 30 years until he retired. After fulfilling his promise to Mom that they would serve a mission together, he started working at his own business trying to make that be successful. (And playing some golf on the side.)

Indianapolis, 1978, holding baby Brian the day he was blessed:

Indianapolis, 1977ish, JoEllen, Craig, Gary:

Plano, TX, 1981; l to r. Kent, Paula, Bruce, JoEllen, Gary, Craig, Neil, Brian:

Indianapolis, 1974, breaking ground on our new house, Paula, Craig, Neil, Bruce, Gary:

Indianapolis, 1976, Craig, Gary, Susan, JoEllen, Bruce, Paula, Neil, and a rare (perhaps only) picture of InkSpot my cat:

Dad was also an emotional support for his family. He gave me blessings of comfort and guidance on a few occasions. Once I remember struggling to go to sleep one night because I was plagued with troubling, fearful thoughts and he gave me a blessing of peace. He was also a good sounding board when I had problems I needed to discuss. I know he spent a lot of time helping some of his sons when they were struggling.

Another thing Dad taught me is that I was just as capable as my brothers in doing whatever I wanted to do. He was quite positive about my efforts in school and in music. He also encouraged me in soccer and went to my various sporting events in Young Women. He thought that my infamous Beehive basketball game which ended in a score of 2-1 was one of the most exciting games he had ever seen, despite the serious lack of basketball skills. He liked to tell the story of going into my bedroom to wake me up on the my first day of first grade and finding me already dressed, sitting on my bed waiting. He drove me to many Saturday morning violin lessons with Arkady Fomin in Dallas even though I’m sure there were many other things he would have preferred doing. He didn’t tell me until much later that he really didn’t enjoy listening to me practice when I first started the violin and would actually leave the house. Both he and Mom supported me by driving me to my music events and paying for my lessons. They also came to all my concerts even after I moved out and was in college. They continue to come to my orchestra concerts even now in my old age and theirs.

Florida, Gulf of Mexico?, 1971?, Gary, Paula facing away:

Bloomington, 1974, Gary and Craig on blessing day:

Orem, UT, 1985 or '86: Brian, Gary, Susan, Kurt, Kent, JoEllen, Paula, Heidi, Craig, Bruce:

Indianapolis, 1976, Gary, Bruce, Craig, Susan, Paula, Neil:

Plano, Texas, 1982; Neil, Craig, Paula, Bruce, Susan, Kurt, JoEllen, Gary, Brian, Kent:

Orem, UT, 1998; Kent, Liesl, Gary:

Indianapolis, my baptism day, 1976:

The final and most important thing he has taught me is a love of the gospel of Jesus Christ, primarily by example. By marrying Mom and staying married, he made sure that his children would grow up in a household with two parents who were very committed to living the gospel. They always went to their church meetings. They also had Family Home Evening and family scripture time. We had consistent family prayer and family council. They were sealed in the the temple and attended even when it was far away. Mom and Dad made efforts to listen to General Conference even when it was pretty inconvenient in Indiana and Texas. I remember having some kind of special radio so we could hear the broadcast in Texas. They made sure their children were baptized, attended church, went to seminary, and participated in the youth programs. Mom and Dad always had callings and were faithful in fulfilling them. In Indiana we participated in “Saturday’s Warrior” and in Texas we did the roadshow. Dad frequently spoke of his mission with fondness and then served with Mom after he retired. They bore their testimonies frequently and there was never any question about their commitment. They were not forceful in getting us to participate but there was an expectation that we would be there with them.

SLC airport, 1999:

1998:

1988:

1998:

1978:

Indianapolis, 1975: I knew I couldn't be seen very well in this picture when it was taken but I guess the photographer was oblivious:

Utah, 1985:

Utah, 1987:

Having been a parent for 33+ years helps me realize that parenting is a long haul. As your children get older, it gets easier in some ways but you never stop feeling concerned about them. Mom and Dad continue to be engaged in our lives, holding family reunions and celebrating big events with us. Happy 80^th birthday, Dad!

Thanks to my brother Bruce for collecting all these pictures and sharing them with me!

1995:

Utah, 1986; this is the picture where I looked slightly green and threw up minutes later:

June, 2007, Washington, DC:

Utah, 2008:

2022: