This second edition was published by BYU in 1998 and it's obvious that a business professor wrote the book. He uses a little business jargon and cites studies--but I love to read assertions backed up by data.
Maybe I liked this book because it agrees with so many of my own ideas about parenting. I won't try to summarize it because I really can't do it justice, but here are some ideas and quotes I liked from the book:
1. His definition of authoritative parenting was one of the most clear I have read. Here it is:
"Authoritative parents who have strict expectations, exert firm discipline, and are willing to explain their demands tend to raise socially responsible and well-adjusted children." I see more explaining in my future.
2. I liked the chapter on teaching responsibility through work--what a contrast with the last book I read on parenting. In particular, he discusses the problem of keeping teenagers busy with real jobs. This problem has been hitting home for me in the last few weeks with several teenagers at my house needing more work in their lives. The author says, "Inadequate work opportunities for teenagers is a societal problem that has evolved over the past two centuries. This problem will not be solved until there is a change in the Fair Labor Standards Act, which prohibits most employment opportunities for 14 and 15-year-olds...Parents need to be creative to find meaningful volunteer work or paid employment for their children." I totally agree. Teenagers have so much potential capability that is seriously under-utilized in our society. A busy teenager engaged in productive work is so much happier and successful than one spending the day playing electronic games and generally wasting their lives.
3. Have you ever gotten so tired of reminding your children about their responsibilities over and over and over and wondered if it was worth it? I REALLY appreciated these words, "Parents must somehow make sure that the consequences for performing the task are more desirable than the consequences of failing to perform it. This reality is very disappointing to parents who would like to see their children internally motivated to do good things without the parents having to reward or punish. Over a long period of time, children acquire intrinsic rewards that will motivate them to perform on their own. But while these intrinsic rewards and work values are being acquired, you will need to play a very active role in providing positive rewards and encouragement." (p. 163)
4. He weighs in on the allowance vs. paying your children for doing jobs by saying that the question is probably not very important. "The important fact is whether the parents have communicated firm expectations about the child's responsibility to help with family chores. " I have been paying my children for the chores they are supposed to do around the house with a system of "points" that they turn in to get paid, but the reality is that I expect them to do the work whether or not they turn in the points to get paid. So I'm considering going back to my old allowance format--I don't really think it makes much difference either.
He also says that the size of the allowance is not as critical as how they should be allowed to spend their money. He says, "Just because children have saved their own money does not mean parents should let them spend it however they want. It is not wrong for parents to influence and control a child's expectations...since the parents have a legal responsibility for their children's financial obligations until they reach age 18." I do agree up to a point. For the most part, I'm not going to control my children's small purchases so they can experience the buyer's regret that help you become a smarter consumer. However, I do have a say in the clothes they buy with their own money and larger purchases they may make.
I'm glad I read this book and plan on reading it again.
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