Skip to main content

Strengthening Marriage Class, Part 1

 A week ago, Scott and I started a weekly online class offered through BYU, given by Jeff and Tammy Hill. They call it, "Marital Teamwork: It Takes Flint and Steele to Make a Fire." I'm not sure why they spell steel with an e on the end--maybe it's intentional or maybe it's just a typo!


Jeff and Tammy Hill were both widowed and this is their second marriage. They have a combined total of 12 children and they freely admit that it has been very challenging. They are both open about their challenges and shortcomings--personally I would find it difficult to be so vulnerable. They are also professionals in the field of marriage and family with Tammy being a licensed marriage and family therapist and teaching marriage enrichment and prep classes at BYU. Jeff has been teaching at the School of Family Life at BYU for a long time and is the associate chair. Their goal is to give us more tools to strengthen our marriages and do it in a fun way.  They are both quite engaging in their teaching styles.  I want to share what we are learning. 

Principles from Class #1

1.  Things to remember

  • Life is hard but you can do hard things. Constantly call on the Lord to help your marriage flourish
  • When life doesn't go as planned, don't get frustrated but make the best of it. We invite you to choose to be less frustrated with your spouse.
  • Things Take Time. We invite you to develop the virtue of patience with your spouse.
2.  Taking care of yourself will help your marriage go better:  exercise, nutrition, sleep, time in nature, breathing
  • Jeff sent out an essay he wrote about how regularly going on walks in nature has helped his marriage. Somehow it's easier to discuss challenging things when you are out in nature. It's also easier to recognize the changes you need to make yourself.
3.  Focus on the positive. A 5:1 ratio of positive to negative in your marriage will greatly improve your chances of success.


Then we did an exercise where we spent two minutes exchanging specific, true, positive statements with each other.



It's always nice to hear positive words from your spouse. I frequently think them but don't always say them.

4.  Write each other love letters. That was our assignment for the week, to write at least one love letter or three if we were feeling particularly ambitious. Scott and I only wrote one each but I felt pretty good about that.


Here are some more guidelines they gave on writing a love letter:

1.  Start with a term of endearment like "My dearest Tam"
2.  Write for at least 10 minutes.
3.  Write things that are specific, true and positive along with words that express feelings.
4.  Exchange letters and read them out loud to each other. (We didn't read ours out loud to each other, actually I read mine to Scott while he was driving the car.)

They encouraged us to invest significant time, talents, and treasure into our marriage during this class so that we can claim this blessing promised by President Spencer W. Kimball:

"While marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive."  "Oneness in Marriage" Ensign, March 1977











Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Visiting Susquehanna: The Priesthood Restoration Site

On our way home from Palmyra, we decided to go a couple of hours out of our way to visit the recently opened Priesthood Restoration Site along the Susquehanna River.  This is where we believe that Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery received the keys of the Aaronic Priesthood from John the Baptist which gave them the authority to baptize.  This site also has the restored Isaac and Elizabeth Hale home where Joseph and Emma lived for a year as well as the home where Joseph and Emma lived on their own. We spent a couple of hours there and I wouldn't have minded a few more minutes but we had a long way to go that night.  It's a beautiful setting, very much in rural Pennsylvania.  However, on the day we were there, cars at a racetrack nearby were detracting from the peace and quiet.  I'm guessing that's not as big of a problem on weekdays. The Hale Family was quite well-off for their day so their home was probably nicely decorated with wallpaper and carpet. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Book Review: Out of My Mind by Sharon Draper

This is a juvenile fiction book about a young girl named Melody with severe cerebral palsy.  Her body doesn't allow her to feed herself, speak, or do much at all.  She's very intelligent with a photographic memory but she can't really communicate.  Finally, in 5th grade, she gets a "Medi-Talker" which is a computer that speaks what she types in.  Finally she has a voice. This book explores what it is like to be severely physically disabled but not mentally disabled. It seems like one of the most frustrating of all scenarios.  She is completely aware of all the cruelty (subtle and otherwise) that her classmates inflict on her because they don't really want to include her in their activities.  One of the saddest moments in the book comes when she realizes that every one of her special ed classmates is kind, where the "normal" ones are not.  Who really has the worse disability? The book was a quick read and fairly enjoyable.  Wha...
Post a Comment
Read more

Hansen Family Plot in the Provo Cemetery

On Memorial Day this year, our family went to the Provo Cemetery, as we do almost every year. We spent some time at the Hansen Family plot which contains the grave of my 2nd great-grandparents, Peter and Mary Hansen. They both emigrated from Denmark with their spouses to Utah. My grandfather lost his first wife Ane to cholera on the plains outside of St. Joseph, Missouri, along with three of his little boys within a very short time--about one month. It's a sad story but it's also one of admirable resilience. He brought his one surviving son, Jorgen, to Utah. He married his second wife Maren (Anglicized to Mary) some 9 years later in Utah  She had been married before but lost her first husband at an unknown date. I wish I knew more about her but she left very few records, although I could do more research! Peter and Maren had 6 more children together. The youngest two were twins, Enoch and Ephraim. Ephraim is my great-grandfather and is buried in California. He is the father of ...
Post a Comment
Read more